in the Predawn Hours..
His head was snuggled on my chest .. holding on so close, so lovingly, so relaxed, so trusting...For the first time since birth 9 months ago Jeffrey allowed himself to snuggle and cuddle in my arms, head held tight against my chest. I have been granted the ultimate privilege by my son, Jeffrey, to have my baby's body be so close to mine and have his heart touch mine and feel his body's comfort soar like an eagle.
His arms widespread, wrapped around me and his face buried deeply within my shoulder with smiles of contentment, abundant within as he drifts slowly back to sleep, like never before, both baby and Mom have captured something lost admidst the pain and stress of the reflux. That which has returned and has been lost for so long since pregnancy days is a further bonding between us, no arched back,no fussing, no screaming, just the 100-% security, safety, warmth, tenderness and joy, only a Mom/Caregiver can have for her baby. And, for the first time ever in Jeffrey's life, I know he felt safe and secure like a kitten or a bunny finds comfort, warmth and love by their Mommy's tummy, falling asleep, having no pain, finding comfort.
Right now I am crying, for this has happened so rarely .. perhaps two times in the last two days since birth since starting the Prevacid, and I hope it continues. Jeffrey has been robbed of the exchange of affection by Mom/baby due to the constant pain and also the horrid pain we must endure trying to see that our babies are always as safe/comfortable and as pain-free as possible. The cost for this endless reflux nurturing above and beyond the course of "normalcy" can lead to resentment and never-ending stress which is hard to process at the end of each day when baby's physical/emotional rewards are fewer and fewer far and inbetween.
For them, life is shadowed by the pain they have learned to accept, but for which we, as adults, cannot and will not tolerate as "normal", is nothing more than an everyday occurrence. A moment like Jeffrey's contentment is truly rare. Jeffrey was my Eagle in Flight ten minutes ago. I shed tears of love, Jeffrey, happiness as I write this for you .. Now if only he could stay this content and safe by my side, I know I have done my job. And, for all my friends, I have the same wish for your baby's love and rewards in you life forever... Life is too short and we need to capture a moment like this and embed it in our hearts and souls forever.
Jeffrey and I soared to new heights together.. during the wee hours of the predawn morning. We have touched each others heart like only a Mother and Baby can do. Now he is peacefully sleeping in his crib awaiting the new day to begin, and so I am I. I am hoping this new day brings him happiness in life and nothing less than shear contentment.
Nobody can predict the future in his/her crystal ball, but tomorrow is only a heartbeat away. So, make the most of the moment and never let it go.....